One Never Ends

Pho King Awesome

2011-09-06T11:11:00.000-07:00

I just had to post this pic as proof restaurant owners can get away with humor if you're clever enough. (special loving thanks to Trish for sending me this pic like a year ago). Long Live the Pho King!

Award For The Brinks Security Driver

2011-07-08T10:18:00.000-07:00

In case you didn't know, once in a while I give out awards. Well the other day I spotted a prime candidate and nominee for "Biggest Colonic Orifice" aka "Biggest Asshole" award. He just may win, but it's only half way through the year, I haven't actually spoken to him yet and I could have very well caught him on a bad day. I suspect for him, those are called Weekdays.

So I was out near Panda Express (yes I know it's not authentic Chinese food but it's the only thing quasi-healthy nearby) trying to find parking and a security truck driver from Brinks Security left his (large) truck running while he was somewhere. Now I sort of assumed this could be a security measure and perhaps he was transferring money or something. But to my not-so-surprise, he was coming out with food.

A few issues with this scenario.

1. His truck was parked and running..not only is that just bad for the environment to leave the car idling while not in use, but I presume he left the keys in the truck. So he's environmentally unfriendly and dumb too. And frankly I'm not a big fan of people who sit in their car while it's running to "cool off" in their air conditioner. Roll down a window and if you live near a desert or it's that hot out...go inside! But I can ALMOST excuse that...however it was overcast that day it wasn't too hot that day so he had to leave is truck idling to run the air conditioner.

2. He didn't park in a parking spot. He actually parked in FRONT of THREE parking spots. He was in the lane where traffic in that lot would be going.

3. By virtue of parking in front of those 3 spots, his truck was not only blocking those 3 spots but also parking spots on the other side of his big ass truck. So essentially he prevented 6 spots from being occupied. Oh and this was at lunch hour mind you.

4. By virtue of being where he was, he was also causing congestion for cars traveling in that lane of the lot..his truck was too big for 2 cars to go around simultaneously.

So when this nominee for the biggest colonic orifice came outside with his food, he got in his truck and sat there eating food while his truck was running. Didn't bother to move it.

The only way he could been a bigger asshole if he shot some nuns and stepped on a child's back to get in his truck.

Now there are 2 sides to every story. Unfortunately both sides of this one unfold the tale of "This Guy Is a Huge Douchebag Prick Asshole"(Is that a Douchickhole or Prickassbag?). Hey, he may win in the category of "Biggest Douchebag" and "Biggest Prick" as well.

Sayings - Stuff That I Question Their Meanings

2011-04-12T10:11:00.001-07:00

There are a ton of sayings or adages that are passed down from generations and I often wonder where they come from because they don't make much sense logically. Here are a couple I found particularly "interesting".

A watched pot never boils. - Ok, unless you apply a certain degree of direct heat to it. I've watched water boil in a pot. It takes a while but it boils. And that's the other thing I don't care for in this phrase...they are implying WATER doesn't boil but they just say pot. Pot of what?

Take life by the horns. - So life is a type of bull? A rhino? A goat? Perhaps life is a demon? Or perhaps I'm thinking of the wrong type of horns and life is a marching band or a jazz quartet.

Take it with a grain of salt - I'm not sure how much a grain will do to any thing. Maybe that's the point of the saying; that it won't matter much? But then why mention it anyway?

You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar - Who the F wants to catch a bunch of flies? And you know what else draw flies? Garbage. Piles of crap. Keep your house clean and you won't have any flies.

When life hands you lemons, make lemonade - Ok, did life hand me sugar? Well if we're talking about JUST what life gave me, then sugar would help that homemade "Lifeade" go down a lot easier. Otherwise, I'll be drinking some sour lemonade. And contrast to that, what's so bad about lemons? Maybe the saying should be "if life hands you lemons, dude, it's lemons...don't worry, could be a lot worse."

T.W.A. - Target With Attitude

2010-02-09T09:03:00.000-08:00

Life presents hilarity if you just pay attention. I went to Target to get some new sheets for my bed (as opposed to what, the Fridge?...that's what sheets are for!) and noticed the clever concealment of a certain letter in the word "Count". And apparently I have to read them too. I don't know, am I the only one who had to refrain from laughing my ass off with 2 young patrons standing next to me?

Upon first glance you would think some high school kid did this as a prank while working there but there were rows of these. Basically the metal bars that hold the products were exactly in the way of omitting a letter to change the meaning of the word completely.

Target should probably pay attention to this. Then again, I find stuff like this entertaining so I'm glad they did not catch this. I wonder if products containing Count Dracula, Count Chocula or The Count from Sesame Street have had this problem.

King of Beepers, Burgers, Bailbonds...

2009-05-14T16:02:00.000-07:00

You ever notice how many Kings there are in the media? I believe it started with Burger King. Makes sense; has a lot of loyal subjects in his Kingdom...Home of the Whoppers...I guess they didnt really go down the King route with the food names. But really he was the only character they developed; McDonalds was run by a clown and he has a lot more "subjects", Grimace, Mayor McCheese, Hamburgerlar, etc al. And the new commercials for BK lately have him running from the authorities. What kind of wuss king has to run from ANYbody?

I live in Southern Cal and I recall in LA we had "JJ the King of Beepers", who had commercials on the radio and billboard ads in which he had a woman in a bikini straddling a giant beeper. Classy king, that JJ. I love this one too.

In Long Beach we had The Bedspread King, Al Greenwood. Sort of a dull kingdom. Not a lot going on in that castle; I've been there. And I think he was like eleventy-five years old on top of it all.

I've also seen SEVERAL billboard ads with different "Kings" of Bailbonds. Again, not a very lively kingdom, and why so many? They are usually the old dudes in a business suit with a typical king crown on too. Where are the Queens and Dukes of Bailbonds? What about the Jester of Bailbonds? And if we're talking about playing cards, isn't the Ace the best one? I'm gonna open up the Ace of Bailbonds and counter the Kings with my young hip swag.

Anyway I thought it would be interesting to find out missed opportunities that may have not come yet to fruition with the King name attached to it. If you think about it there are a lot of compound words with "king" in it.

Cell Phones for Tall guys - Tall-King!

Marijuana sales in the Himalayas - High King!

A great place for Dogs to get liquored up - Bar King!

Answers to questions about Girls with Big Booties - Ass King!

Best Vietnamese place ever - Pho King! (this exists!!!...that's better than the one I found called "What The Pho?").

Clothing store geared towards State Universities - SU-King!

A place for pigs with low socio-economic status - Poor King!

Well just some ideas...

And it's a very male dominated language. I'm wondering why I can't be talqueen to someone when they're asqueen me a question. Maybe if I answer right, thereby barqueen out the right answer, there will be a lot of sucqueen and porqueen going on later!

Super Salad

2008-05-21T13:17:00.000-07:00

So why is it that waitresses insist that we order this Super Salad? "Super salad?". I don't get it. What's super about the salad? Unless mine has a half pound of chocolate thai weed in it, it's probably at best, a tasty introduction to my main meal.

If you can't tell, I'm being facetious. But that does lead to the hilarity of voice inflections. Placing certain emphasis on certain words can give you a totally different meaning. In some languages such as Laotian, the difference between the word "I" and the word "penis" is the tone of the word. I'm sure both were true, but I was quickly schooled by a Lao ex-girlfriend of mine of that difference. ;-)

Anyway, don't forget to order your Super Salad today!

Happy Sin Day!

2008-02-15T17:12:00.000-08:00

A good friend of mine and I had an interesting discussion that came to the conclusion many if not all our holidays celebrate each of the 7 Deadly Sins. Somewhat ironic but perhaps not too much considering that the holidays often stem from Pagan origins.

Keep in mind these are all American holidays. I don’t have much time to research other countries but if you’re reading this from another one…feel free to drop comments.

Let’s take a look at the 7 Deadly Sins and which holiday best exemplifies them shall we?

1. Sin: Gluttony – Holiday: Thanksgiving of course! What is the best way to celebrate the British exiles wanting freedom coming together with the Wampanoag Indian native American tribes? Stuff your face full of food! Great holiday for the true spirit of gluttony…eat as much as you can of a myriad of foods and the end of the day unbuckle your belt to make room for more. This ties in with my turducken post as well. This is the best holiday to eat Poultry Voltron.

2. Sin: Greed - Holiday: Christmas. Yes the birth of Jesus has a sin affiliated holiday. People will tell you it’s about the spirit of giving. C’mon…it’s about the true spirit of greed; how much, how many, what did you get, how much did that cost, etc. No matter what religion you are, Christmas is an awesome way to augment your greed. Gimmie!

3. Sin: Sloth – Holiday: Labor Day. I just love the irony of NOT working on “Labor” Day. In honor of hard work basically you have a day off, things are closed and you watch football. That’s hard work!

4. Sin: Lust – Holiday: Valentine’s Day. This just passed…the holiday for lovers. And really it’s the holiday for lovers gettin’ it on. Roses, chocolates, hearts and flowers are the quickest way into your lovers pants.

5. Sin: Pride – Holiday: Independence Day. Our founding fathers seceded from the UK to form this great land of ours. To commemorate this, we decide to simulate the war efforts with fireworks, an anthem with rockets and bombs mentioned in it, and extreme vainglory. And BBBQ’s (the extra B is for BYOBB). In your face England!!!

6. Sin: Wrath – Holiday: Veteran’s Day. My grandfather is a WWII vet; which is probably the last major war where we actually fought for a good cause. But I digress, this isn’t about whether or not war is right or wrong, it’s about paying homage to the people that fought them. Honestly we should. But yes we are celebrating the Wrath; the soldiers who fought and slaughtered countless numbers of enemy soldiers (and civilians) for messin’ with our country. We salute you!

7. Sin: Envy – Holiday: Valentine’s Day again. This holiday made it twice because another angle one could take on this is to rub it in the faces of your cohorts who do not have a Valentine and perhaps aren’t getting any that night. Showboat your flowers, teddy bears, candy hearts and box of chocolates. You are lusted after…why not make others envious?

Happy Sin Day!

Superb Owl Sunday

2008-02-01T14:44:00.000-08:00

Isn't this a Superb Owl?

I just thought it was interesting and somewhat funny that when you take emphasis or space out a word or group of words differently you can totally have a different meaning.

Taken from Benny Hill,
Actress: "What's that in the road, a HEAD?"....
Benny: "No, no love..."what's that in the road ahead?"

Gotta pay attention to voice inflections, spaces and tone because that can change the entire meaning of a sentence and/or phrase.

That's all I got today...I'm wiped out. Been a long week, and I'm looking forward to relaxing and watching the Superb Owl.

Vowel Movement

2008-01-24T16:51:00.000-08:00

So a close friend of mine and I were laughing the other day about vowels and we came up with the term "pygmy rhythm" which I said would be a good name for a band or a song. As homage to her, I'm attempting to write a sentence without vowels. Or at least the traditional vowels. I have to use "Y".

"Why my gypsy nymphs hymn shyly, slyly lynch my pygmy rhythm."

Does it make sense? Not to the untrained eye. But the chart above should offer some guidance.

Happy Thursday!

2008

2007-12-31T19:38:00.000-08:00

2008 is almost upon us. If I jump at 11:59 it will really be a leap year!

Sorry that was corny.

Happy New Year to everyone!

May all your goals and dream turn to reality. Except your nightmares...those dreams shouldn't be reality. But the cool dreams...let's work on those.

Happy 2008!

O.N.E.

Chaos Theory

2007-12-31T19:30:00.000-08:00

I believe that the natural order of things are chaos. I'm well aware of the irony of that statement.

I can prove it though...do you have a set of headphones that have 2 separate earpieces? I have that for my portable mp3 player. Put that in your pocket for a day and see how tangled the wires get. Seriously I don't think I could actively get them as tangled as they got just sitting there. Pretty much any dangling wires will inevitably become a ball of confusion.

Connections

2007-12-14T18:45:00.000-08:00

I remember the year 1980 very vividly. I was uprooted from the slums of LA to a quaint town in Cape Cod to live with my grandparents. Getting adjusted to a new school is always tough and being that I was shy and a bit of an outsider anyway, it made it doubly tough. Then a kid named Kevin Lynch came to me and said, "you want to go play?". Of course I did! I'll never forget that moment because that kid took the initiative and became my friend. That means a lot to a new kid! Kevin and I don't talk that much anymore, not due to any mishap but just due to divergence of interest I suppose. We were friends for quite a while growing up. And he's reserved as the first friend I had in Cape Cod.

There are plenty of moments like that, where someone will change the course of your life and impact you in some significant way. Sounds a bit corny but really, I often ponder the people that had some impact on me, and who I've had an impact on. I suppose one could say everyone has some impact, but I mean the ones you can pinpoint and see a noticeable change or sway in a certain direction of your life. And there are probably some that you don't notice it until you look in retrospect.

So cheers to all my current friends and e-friends, relatives, ex-girlfriends, well-wishers, colleagues and of course the assholes, all of whom I would not be who I am today. I hope that I've impacted you in some way that will leave a fondness in memory as you have for me.

And a special cheers to you Kevin!

ONE

Avalanche

2007-12-11T11:28:00.000-08:00

I noticed my name is embedded in the word "Avalanche". AV-ALAN-CHE. That's kinda cool huh? Well these are things I think about when I'm bored and sitting in an hour delay in traffic (yesterday!). I was behind an Avalanche truck for a good 30 minutes and saw my name staring at me.

Not sure what this means but I'm thinking I should capitalize on this. And it was the 2nd time I saw within that tedious hour...there was also some towing company next to me Avalanche towing. I'm thinking the Fates are trying to tell me something.

Then I thought it's sort of funny to name a truck after a natural disaster. It would be even funnier to name a truck or car in a manner that is a disaster a little closer to home. Sure anyone can sound cool in an Avalanche (mostly because my name is in it) or a Tsunami. But pull off something a little nerve-racking. You know, strong words but probably would make someone uneasy no matter how cool the car was. Like the Toyota Collision. Cool word but slightly uneasy for a car. Maybe the Nissan Impact or the Honda Seatbelt Failure.

Animals are also a fun car names. Jaguar, Mustang, Impala, Ram...I think they use animals that are known but slightly obscure. Like Mustang sounds better than Horse. Don't get me wrong, horses are cool but a Ford Horse...lacks pizzazz. Impala is probably better than Deer (well it's a type of Gazelle). I suppose they should say away from the Dodge Goat or the Ford Jackass although it would be appropriate for a lot of people driving them.

Anyway don't whisper too loud or I may slide all over you. Av-Alan-che!

Syndication

2007-12-07T09:15:00.000-08:00

I'm a big fan of syndicated television. Mainly because I don't watch a lot of TV nor do I sit through prime-time very often. There are some good sitcoms that I totally missed out on when they were on prime-time but due to syndication I get to watch them over again and discover how great they are. Of course classic shows that I was either too young, a zygote, or not even born to enjoy are shown but I'm thinking more of the shows I just simply missed due to being busy.

The Simpsons - When this first came on I wasn't into it. I figured it was all about Bart and sort of a "kid show" that happened to be on at 8pm. Back then I remember it being on the Tracey Ullman Show but never really found much reason to watch it otherwise. When it started showing up on Fox syndication is when I really started liking it. It is now probably the best show on television and with a 15 year run and still going, I think others will agree.

Seinfield - Another classic show that I never got into when it was on prime-time but started watching when it got on syndication. Seinfield is like "Friends" without the love trysts and it's actually funny. (haha sorry cheap shot at Friends). I have been a fan of Jerry's stand-up routines and it was great to see his observational humor embedded in a show with great characters and no real plot-line other than "it's the show about nothing".

Scrubs - This was a recent discovery and this show is hilarious. I was not expecting that at all...I thought it was just another doctor show, but this has great characters and totally off-the-wall zany humor that makes shows like The Simpsons and Family Guy so great. And this has live actors!

There are probably a few more but it's raining and I'm thinking I'd like to be at home on the couch watching these shows right about now.

Happy Friday!

Cash or Charge?

2007-11-21T16:50:00.000-08:00

Today I saw a guy use his credit card to get a pack of gum. Really, I should legally be allowed to plant my foot so deep in his colonic orifice that other feet grow from his ass in the spring. Pull out a dollar bill and pay cash would you!?!

Another incident: I was at Panda Express. For those who don't know, it's a Chinese food place; basically the food is already cooked, you tell them what you want and they package it. Well I was in line longer than usual due to some Rhodes Scholar having to re-run his ATM card 5 times, which included typing his PIN number all 5 times, then signing a piece of paper verifying it. Transactions at an a-la-carte Chinese place shouldn't take longer than a minute. "I'll have some of that and some of that...here's a 5 dollar bill". Get change and get out of there. At the very least fix your friggin' card so it works rather than hold up a line of hungry people.

Ok, rule of thumb: if it takes you more than 10 minutes to get items in 7-11 or a fast food chain, then go somewhere else. I don't have all minute! That's why I'm at a convenience store! haha. But really, I don't understand how when you use ATM cards, slide your card, type your pin, respond whether or not you want cash back, sign a document is seen as convenient.

On that note, Happy Thanksgiving! ;-)

Openings

2007-11-19T17:15:00.000-08:00

Why is everything so hard to open these days? I don't know if you've bought any small electronic devices lately but the ones they have hanging on the racks of Best Buy or CompUSA, (Target, Wal-Mart, etc..) tend to come in impenetrable vaccuum sealed packages. Apparently this applies to monkey fetuses too...I found this pic to be hilarious and slightly disturbing.

Now, I understand the need for security but after you buy it you should be able to open the damn thing! I propose a key the cashier carries at the register that will "unlock" these things. Mainly because I don't feel like needing a tourniquet every time I'm trying to pry open one of these packages. I find that the method of opening these things requires brute strength and a sharp object. Even when you saw through the layer of reinforced plastic, as you pull it apart, it makes the plastic nice and sharp. There should be a way to open these things without blood loss.

Also have you tried to open a CD lately? I know, I know, CD's are outdated. But I actually purchase music sometimes (SOMETIMES), and I'm starting to favor the mp3 download revolution. Not due to the ease of my comp, but to the lack of having to open a friggin' CD. There's a fine coat of plastic wrapping it, which unless you have a razor is hard to peel off. THEN, in addition there is a super-sticky sticker seal on both sides which you have to peel off carefully lest it rip. By the time you get it open you've changed musical tastes.

I also recently noticed that Subway switched to plastic wrappers on their straws. Very important move...rather than a biodegradable easy to open straw wrappers, coat them with an annoying plastic wrap. I suppose this is better if they get wet, so I won't harp on this too much, but still, it's worth complaining about. haha.

I believe it was comedian Steven Wright who said, "I think they should put the wrapper of a straw on the inside because that is the part you don't want to get dirty." I concur!

O.N.E.

Two In The Bush

2007-11-16T16:19:00.000-08:00

Quick note on a Friday; I was thinking of how funny it has been in my life having Bush as a last name. Aside from the shrubbery and the obvious allusion to secondary sex characteristics, there has been a Bush in office since I was a kid. Starting with the Reagan era vice-president George Bush Sr. Then President George Bush. He lost to Clinton in which I was given 8 years of breathing room (and the country was given some economic recovery) only to usher in our current George W.(Dubya) Bush. If there's another Bush in office soon, I'm changing my last name to Jackhammer.

And the amount of clever comments that come with having a shared last name is staggering. By staggering I mean non-existent. I guess people think they're being clever but then a lot of people watched Will and Grace so what are you gonna do. ;-)

Sorry for the unnecessary cheap shot at Will and Grace.

Subliminal, Liminal and Superliminal

2007-10-31T08:10:00.000-07:00

Is it me or does the logo for this drink look like it says "Evil" instead of Full? Don't get me wrong, I'm not a conspiracy theorist or a religious zealot, but I don't know...the way the writing is, the color scheme, the fact that one of their drinks is called "Blue Demon"...this may be the drink of the Devil. But I guess you can't spell "devil" without "lived" right? MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Happy Halloween by the way. Let's hear it for pagan rituals and candy. ;-)

Anyway, "subliminal" is another one of those words like "overwhelmed" where you rarely hear the root word without the prefix. Like "liminal" is the normal state of everything being ok. That's not an interesting word I guess. It was on The Simpsons, Bart's Boyband/ join the navy episode, that brought that up but it was a good (albeit funny) observation.

Lisa: "What's superliminal?"
L.T. Smash: "I'll show you." (leans out window). "Hey YOU! Join the Navy!"

Yvan Eht Nioj!

Missed Marketing Opportunities II

2007-10-16T10:50:00.000-07:00

Having an entrepreneur as a father is interesting. It gets you thinking about other business opportunities and how you can turn creative endeavors into a lucrative business.

He's also where I probably got my sense of humor. I remember when I was about 12 and I was helping him with some research of hair salons he said, "let me know if you see a place called Curl Up And Dye". One of his colleagues asked "why?". He just looked at him and said, "because it's funny." I was thinking, "Duh! why else would I look for that?". hahaha.

By the way, though my father got famous from doing hair (and having hair products) he also now has his own wine! If you want some good wine go to Bush-Field. It's seriously a good wine; a Pinot Noir...and yes my last name is embedded in the wine. "There's a little Bush in every bottle.". Ok, I'll work on the marketing end of that campaign...probably not the route we should take. ;-)

But hey, I'm not here to plug wine. This does relate to missed marketing opportunities and the entrepreneurial spirit.

I think I would start a company JUST for the sake of having the name. I think the name would be worth starting this business just for the marketing opportunities alone. I suppose I work backwards in some respect...like with my music site, I actually drew the logo, then thought of a name for it, then found an application in which to use it (my music). Who knew I actually could do music? But the logo came first.

That being said I think some names were missed out on and I want a company with that name. I'll figure out what to sell later. I haven't researched any of these.

Squid, Inc. - That would rule! Almost doesn't matter what you sell...it would have a great ring to it. Probably should sell pens or Calamari.

Interslice - This is actually from the Simpsons where Homer is trying to think of a name for his internet company, "I need something cutting edge, like Edge-Co or Cutcom....Interslice....". Great name...I actually think people have taken this one.

How about a pool hall called Fuh-Cue? That would be awesome.
"Where you going?"
"Fuh-Cue"
Think of all the black-eyes that would be had as result of that name! I'm a bit of an anarchist, what can I say.

This one is credited to my friend Albert. He wanted to make a movie titled "Head". Then have a sequel shortly after with the tagline, "From The People Who Gave You Head". Ha! Genius!

If you have any ideas, shoot them over to me. And let's start a business!

Papa Ya presents - Juggle My Fruit

2007-10-11T21:03:00.000-07:00

I've always thought a great name for a band would be Papa Ya. And by always I mean in the last few days.

It actually stemmed from this guy at a Thai place who pronounced my papaya salad as "Papa Ya Salad". I thought, "Papa Ya? What a great band name!"

As an added bit of trivia for you, papaya salad is "Som Tum" in Thai. Quite a tasty dish!

Today I was told by a friend that it sounds like a bad World Fusion Reggae band, and another friend told me it sounds like a Ska band. Agreed on both. But I still think it's funny. And that's what counts.

Now if I find a lead singer named Tom Ato, I'll crap an eggroll laughing.

Long live Papa Ya!

Missed Marketing Opportunities

2007-10-05T09:26:00.000-07:00

I think Subway or Quizno's should make subwoofers. Or at least sandwiches shaped like subwoofers. Too niche? Maybe. Think of the possibilities. "Yeah I'll tomato, bell pepper and a whole lot of BASS! Make that sandwich BUMP muhfuggah!!!"

Speaking of groceries, I was thinking that the Lord of the Rings trilogy would have done well marketing in supermarkets. Like someone could get Sauron Wrap. Tell me you wouldn't want to wrap your goods with an all-seeing eye?

"One Wrap to rule them all...one Wrap to find them, One Wrap to bring them all and in the freshness bind them.."

Then play off Fro-dough and Aracorn. Maybe Orc Porc. Even Eggolas...."Leggolas my Eggolas!"

This one will probably get me in trouble and I hope the Lord has a sense of humor, but I had this thought about a Rat Messiah named Cheeses Christ. I don't know why this hasn't been a biblical cartoon yet. And of course he would have to use Swiss Cheese as his body because he's so "holy". Ha! Ok, I'm packing my bags...what should I wear in hell?

Anyway, these are things I think of when I'm home alone and the power goes out.

No Cash, Please

2007-10-05T09:09:00.000-07:00

I love it when I get change for 100 dollars back in 1's, 5's and a roll of dimes. Ha! Actually it was 70 bucks as I put 30 dollars for gas but that's the change I got. What the F am I gonna do with a roll of dimes? I should palm it in my fist and hit them. That'll teach that 60 year old lady! hehe.

If you're a major gas station chain, you would think it would behoove you to carry change, but not only that, aren't most people giving you 20's if they give you cash at all? I don't get why they wouldn't have at least one 20 dollar bill to give me. Maybe a lot of people were paying with 100's. But how is that my problem again? ;-)

That brings me to another point. It worries me a bit when businesses don't accept cash. I was just talking to someone today about an experience I had at 24 Hour fitness a few years ago:

Me: "I'd like to buy a membership...here's the cash"
24fit: "We don't accept cash"
Me: "What do you mean you don't accept cash?"
24fit: "Well...we don't have an accounting department for that"
Me: (thinking to myself) "ok, yes you do, every major corporation has an accounting department however you're branch is too lazy to hire someone to tally memberships in cash..."
Me: "Could I buy one of those T-shirts? I only have cash"
24fit: "Sure!"
Me: "Hmmmmmm, interesting... ok. Here's my credit card."

No sense in arguing with the guy who has absolutely no power or logic.

Once people stop accepting cash all together, I'm leaving the planet.

Get laiD

2007-09-26T12:01:00.000-07:00

I love Dial Soap. Especially the liquid kind because me having the humor of a 12-year-old noticed that when you put it upside down you can get "laiD". Something that is of interest to me when I'm trying to get clean. Keep that in mind next time you're in the shower.

6 Million Ways To Die...Choose One

2007-09-22T15:38:00.001-07:00

Insects have it rough.

Not only are they food for like everything but think of the many ways in which you could die. I mean, people have it rough but I don't recall ever a time where you'd have to worry about getting smushed in some larger beings eyeball. How about getting flushed down a giant toilet? Maybe you're walking around looking for food and then out of no where something steps on you.

Not like I feel particularly sorry for them. Not a big fan of insects of any kind in my place of residence, and sure enough if I stuck my finger in a nest of insects to "pet" them, they'd do their best to kill me. So no remorse here...just interesting that there's a whole set of other problems to worry about when you're less than an inch long.

That applies in many ways but we're talkin' insects and not your sex life. Ha!

Whelmed, Legalized Gambling and Where's My Money Fooh?

2007-09-18T13:03:00.000-07:00

Hey can someone be "Whelmed"? I mean you can be overwhelmed and possibly underwhelmed, but I never heard of anyone being whelmed. So what exactly are you over or under then?

That's a side issue. I'm a bit overwhelmed now. Mainly because I was looking at my benefits package (my 3-month grace period is ending this month and I'll be full-fledged at my company). Cool! To commemorate this momentous occasion I get to sift through the quagmire of my benefits package.
Giggidy!

So there are 3 Basic Setups: medical, dental and vision.

Within Medical there are 2 HMO programs and like 4 PPO programs.

Then you get a table and chart that outlines what can and can't be done, who the doctors can and can't be, what you'll be paying if you do X, and then you carry the 2...

One of the motifs in my life is that I'm all about choice. However, does this seem a bit like legalized gambling? Basically if you take one choice you'll pay less money per month, but if you rupture a spleen, you'll pay a lot more. You can pay more per month and if something happens you pay less at the office than you would on the other, but if nothing happens, you'll be out more money per month. Same goes for car insurance although it's not as detailed. I suppose it is gambling saying, "you have to pay us this amount but no matter which time you need it, you'll have access to the same amount".

I laugh at the terminology used by insurance companies:

Copay: No that's MY immediate payment and insurance is covering the other (which I and my company are paying for too...just more slowly). Don't distract me from the fact that I'm paying something! Just less if I were to not have a job...if anything it's a doctor visit discount. I'm not co-paying a hamburger if I use a coupon.

Contributions: Hahah...oh you mean what I pay per month to get this? Yeah I guess it's a contribution...to help my own cause with my own money in conjunction with a company that I work for. So... I guess that's not as much of a contribution as it is what I pay per month for this benefit.

Don't you just love euphemisms?

And I'm not a big fan of "copayment" anyway. I can deal with the 10 dollar doctor visits, but the car insurance is what I really get miffed about. By miffed I mean pissed. If I get car insurance, get in an accident and my bill comes out to be 300 bucks, but I have a 350 co-pay, that's wack! Why am I paying all this money for insurance? "In case of a major accident you'll be covered". Yeah, well that 300 bucks is still coming out of my pocket...cover THAT! I'm broke, my car is damaged from an accident, help me. Maybe then I can supersize my meals! ;-)

Ok, so back to the doctor visits...let's say you don't use any of these things. You're really healthy, don't visit the doctor, you poo honey and you're a borderline immortal. Shouldn't you get your money back? Or at least have it transfer to the next company you work with? Perhaps the account can be YOURS and you carry it over with you no matter what company you work for. But I guess that's part of the "package" you get.

I have a habit of oversimplifying things. But you know what...why do things have to be so complicated in the first place? People who aren't as educated, or don't have a lot of time, or don't have a lot of money or are lazy people like myself, don't always have time to sift through and learn all the red tape and loopholes associated with these things to understand which is better for them. This goes for taxes too...man is that a headache. But if you can afford to have an accountant, or have enough time to learn tax codes, you can really save a lot of money. So basically the people who don't necessarily need the cash can save a ton! Nice.

You would think that things are a matter of common sense, but something that I say often is "not all sense is common". I think Chuck D said that originally. Listen to Chuck D.

Pet Peeves

2007-09-10T14:09:00.000-07:00

For the most part, I’m a pretty upbeat “glass is half full” kind of guy. In spite of the circumstances, I try to see things for the better. But some stuff is just crap. Here’s a list of things that sort of bug me that probably don’t bother too many people nor are they going to cause a socio-economic catastrophe should they not be rectified, but I figured I’d share them with the web-world.

People who leave the microwave on with a few seconds left - I often encounter, particularly at places of business, that people will be heating up their goods and don’t wait for the full eleven seconds to finish out, they remove their food/liquids and then don’t even bother to press “clear” or reset. I guess the time it takes to do that will impact their life significantly…I mean, they can’t even wait for a MICROWAVE to finish cooking their crap! “I don’t HAVE all MINUTE!!!”. Listen, if you’re life is that fast-paced where you need to take out your food that quickly AND you can’t even take the nanosecond it takes to press reset, you need to re-organize your lifestyle a bit.

People who spell “weird” wrong - I see it spelled “wierd” more often than not. Fortunately in Word there’s a spell check feature which actually corrected me from doing so, however, often on the web or e-mails I see it spelled wrong. And yeah I know there is a rule “I before E, except after C…” blah blah blah. But this is English…we break the rules perpetually. I would chalk it up to a typo but it isn’t…it’s just people thinking that’s how you spell it. I actually saw a website with that embedded in the URL. I’m not a big fan of sloppy spelling anyway, but when that word is misspelled it bugs me more than usual. Picky? Yes. But at least I’m not wierd.

People who say, “sorry I was just talking out loud” - Really…talking out loud huh? I think that’s the definition of talking, otherwise you’d be THINKING or you’d be a pantomime. Regardless I think the phrase is “thinking out loud”.

Chihuahuas – I dunno I gave them a shot. I love animals…I even like little toy dogs like Pomeranians. But every Chihuahua I’ve ever met has a mental problem. All those years of down breeding causes them to be skittish, shaky and wacko. Think of all the Chihuahuas you know that don’t belong to you. Are they friendly? Yeah some of them will come and lick you. And then lick you until you start showing bone through your skin! They don’t stop! Then they get all pissy for no reason; often growling when you’re like 5 minutes into petting them. I can’t get comfortable around those type of dogs…they don’t have much warmth except maybe to their owners. They’re like the dog equivalent of a temperamental feral cat. And if I were a cat, I’d kick a Chihuahuas arse on sheer principle.

One more - People who take forever at the drive thru - Ok, first off it's called Fast Food for a reason. I like the idea of having it "your way" but people really abuse that privilege. "Yeah can I have a hamburger but hold the onions, add 2 fluid ounces of mustard, slice 1 tomato but put it on the side, grate the cheese vertically, and instead of beef I need ground up wolf knuckles....etc." Then you get the others...they're not that picky but they forget what's on the menu. Bugs me especially at McDonald's..."listen lady that menu hasn't changed THAT drastically in eleventy years..." Sure take a bit of time but if it's a major life decision, go the F home and think about it so I can get my number 3 combo!

That's it for now. I'm sure there will be a sequel to this in the near future because the world is full of things that bug me. Lot of things make me happy too so I feel I've achieved a healthy balance. ;-)

Universal Logic Passed On By The Ancients

2007-09-06T17:16:00.000-07:00

gno•sis (nō'sĭs)
n. Intuitive apprehension of spiritual truths, an esoteric form of knowledge sought by the Gnostics.

I’d like to give a special thanks to my friend Neil who actually introduced me to this word through a song he wrote years ago. It was something that I’ve always thought even as a youngin’ yet I couldn’t put into words. I believe this was the word I was searching for and have used it ever since. (By the way Neil is literally a musical genius…check out his stuff)

Intuition is an aspect of my life that is hard to control but one of those things that I have a high sensitivity to. I believe there are inherent spiritual truths that perhaps the ancient religions and civilizations touched upon, but often through the clamor of the outside world, we are desensitized or even unaware of.

Particularly when it comes to people, I can seriously point to times where I’ve been able to predict patterns of behavior based on a combination of heightened empathy and what I suppose is Gnosis. Some would see it as ‘future telling’ (I can’t do this with lottery numbers or gambling unfortunately). I believe that although the heightened sensitivity to people’s feelings guides me to look into them, often I see past that…into a deeper untapped understanding, that ironically I don’t quite understand. It’s like “seeing someone’s soul” and if you wanna get really deep, the soul can cross time barriers.

It’s that “uneasy” feeling you get when things aren’t quite right. Or the reason why you gel so well with certain people. Often you know things before you really know them. Have you experienced this? If you know me, I have you experienced this with me, or have I said something to you that relates?

My encounters with many of my close friends have been that way. I can remember the exact moments I met most of my good friends and it was a feeling that I had about them before I really even got to know them. Perhaps it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy, or visual cues but I actually believe that we all generate a type of energy that can’t be observed except through a sensory organ that governs intuition. Some people give off that they need a certain type of people in their life and if we’re lucky, those type of people feel they need you as well. So we come together for whatever reason be it temporary or permanent; perhaps to teach each other a life lesson.

This energy is not only useful in meeting my friends but I remember a time where a friend was angry with me and I had no idea, and within a few seconds of being in close proximity, even with my back turned, I could sense something was wrong. Fortunately it was just a misunderstanding, but when it happened, it felt as if an energy was being REMOVED from my body. Almost as if a portion of the energy she had given me throughout our friendship was snatched from me. Interesting ish!

To say “everything happens for a reason” is a bit clichéd. And frankly some things happen for no apparent reason, but then think about it…every action has a REASON. So that statement is a bit…well, dumb.

BUT, I do think if you pay close enough attention you can experience a higher sense. It is through this that I met people that are instrumental in my life either now or for the future or both. Not only to meet people but to understand them. Gnosis will allow you to use your intuition towards understanding.

Pay attention!

Toferkey And the Decadence of the Turducken

2007-08-21T10:20:00.000-07:00

People crack me up. I think a lot of people have a hard time letting go of the way they're used to doing things.

If you notice in a lot of markets and health food stores, you see things made of soy or something but it's in the shape of and imitates the meat. I suppose that's great and a healthy alternative but it just makes me laugh that some people can't let the idea of eating meat go. I'm not a vegan or even a vegetarian but I'm not sure I can bring myself to buy "soysages" and "toferkey". That food makes me laugh too much.

On the flip scale, during the holidays you can get a "Turducken". For those unaware it's actually a small duck, stuffed inside a chicken, which is then stuffed inside a turkey. I mean, holy F that's a lot of meat! There's people struggling in the garbage for a peach pit and here we are eating the poultry version of Voltron.

Choices

2007-08-21T09:50:00.000-07:00

I'm a huge fan of having a wide selection of things to choose from. If you listen to my music, (cheap plug), you'll notice I have a pretty wide range of tastes. I like variety. My collection of music I listen to, is also that way; I'll listen to just about anything so long as it's good. I guess "good" is subjective but I have good tastes. ;-)

So you go to the supermarket and you get a wide variety of great foods and produce and items to choose from. Then you go to these restaurants and they have custom dishes but you get all kinds of choices to come along with that.

I think it's the restaurant thing that bugs me. Again, I'm an advocate of choices, but is there a such thing as too much?

Me: "I'll have the hamburger"
Waitress: "how do you want that cooked? Rare, medium-rare, medium, medium-well, well done?"
Me: "Well done"
Waitress: "What kind of bread? White, wheat, honey oat, sourdough"
Me: "Wheat"
Waitress: "What kind of cheese? American, Cheddar, Swiss, Jack, etc.."
Me: "American, thanks"
Waitress: "Comes with a side dish; vegetables, fries, mashed potatoes"
Me: "Fries, I guess...thanks."
Waitress: "Soup or Salad?"
Me: "uuuh I dunno...Salad"
Waitress: "Dressing? Ranch, Italian, Creamy Cucumber, Vinigrette, etc..."
Me: "uuuh Vinigrette..."
Waitress: "What kind of lettuce? Romaine, Iceberg..."

Just give me the friggin' food lady! It seems my restaurant experiences require this book length dialogue with the waitstaff.

Again, I'm a big fan of choices, but I'm not gonna cause a ruckus over what type of lettuce you give me in my side salad. I think Sushi bars have the right idea...just check off what you want. Restaurants should adopt that and if any special requests then the waitstaff can be addressed. Also that way I know what I need to make the choices on. The menus don't go into that much detail, so you just think, "yeah I want a hamburger" and don't realize you have a billion other things to think about in the process of obtaining that. I'm a firm believer it shouldn't require 20 questions and a dissertation to get a hamburger.

But it occurred to me how many choices we have to make throughout the day. I mean, it has to be in the thousands; where to go, what to turn, who to speak to, how to go about your day, what to eat, what to do next, who to have carnal relations with, etc... I can imagine for some people it causes some degree of angst.

Better than being a robot I suppose.

Trees

2007-08-09T17:29:00.000-07:00

I'm no tree-hugger but you know what? Go hug a tree.

Seriously I don't know how desert people do it. One of the reasons I'm so appreciative of trees now, is not just because they provide oxygen and wood. Nor just because I watched Lord of the Rings and empathized with the Ents. But because during lunch breaks I typically like to read in my car. During the summers especially, the sun blazes down and even having the windows down, it still gets hot as F. Trees provide the shade, so I'm comfortable in my car. Something I took for granted growing up in a small town on Cape Cod. It's harder to find for me now in my new location at work here in So Cal, but it's so friggin' valuable at that time for me to have shade so I can eat, read and take a power nap.

Hooray for trees.

A Rose By Any Other Name Would Be Just As Funny

2007-08-08T17:14:00.000-07:00

Well first off, I’d like to note that at your local convenience store…most like the 7-11 since they are everywhere…you may notice a product of hilarity. I’ve seen this orange or red packaged granola bar with the title “Sweet And Salty Nut”.

Now I’m no marketing genius but one would think that a person living in this country would be hip to whatever colloquialisms are going on these days. However, perhaps it works better than I’m giving credit because I do remember the product. I’m not gonna buy it on sheer principle, but I do remember it!

That reminds me…I’m pretty sure people remember those late night commercials for NADS which is a waxy hair removal product from Australia. I giggle to myself everytime I’ve seen it. “Rub NADS on your face…” Ha!

Some names of products are not as raunchy but funny nonetheless. I was just reminded talking with a new friend of mine, that I recall driving behind this Infiniti. And of course they have that insignia and logo on the back. Nice car! Well next to it, on the top right of the trunk is the edition...it was Limited. I don't know if the manufacturers or the driver of the vehicle found that as funny as I did, but I couldn't help notice that irony.

Meanwhile, to my right was some hot blonde driving a cherry red convertable with her finger 2 knuckles deep in her nose. What a hilarious day.

This is a segue into the real meat of my thoughts today. I actually was just reminiscing on an e-mail chain started by me with a couple friends of mine from a previous job. My friend Sage and I started thinking of names of products because I brought up the fact that it was funny how a lot of breakthrough medical products have allusions to the thing they are trying to cure embedded in the name. Often even says what it does…Flonase for example. Clever! I’ve seen Dermatol, Vagasil, Herpacin….I mean, I’m glad they’re descriptive but they seem kind of gross. I’m expecting medicine related to hemorrhoids to be called Bungcoolafed. How about Itchyassitin? Maybe a jock itch formula called Scratchballasol. Cure for smelly butt? Try Stankbootafed.

Quick note: Sage is a good friend of mine and a great poet by the way. I’d provide a link here but she doesn’t have a friggin’ website showcasing her talent. HINT HINT SAGE!

Spider Pig

2007-08-07T08:53:00.000-07:00

So I finally saw the Simpsons movie. I personally thought it was pretty hilarious. As some friends said, it was like watching a long episode on TV. I guess that would bother some people but I thought it was great. Like giving back 10 bucks for all that free entertainment on Fox. Well, we pay for it with watching all those damn ads.

That actually reminds me, thank God for Matt Groening and more recently Seth MacFarlane. Hours of entertainment from The Simpsons and Family Guy; I don't think I've laughed more than at those 2 shows. Amazing that a couple of cartoons can be more rich and complex (and funny) than 99% of the "real" shows.

Late night; I'm sleepy and I'm at work trying not to drink coffee and trying to remember some of the funnier lines from the movie. I guess I'll wait for the DVD.

Lizard of Odds

2007-08-01T20:22:00.000-07:00

Random: Is it a bad omen if you have a lizard on your desk at work? I frankly don't know how it got there, and moreso WHY it was there, but apparently it figured it should be near me. I actually thought it was a fake toy someone left on the shelf on my desk but something told me not to touch it with my hands and I used a notebook and sure enough the thing moved. Freaked me out for a second as I'm not accustomed to reptiles being on my desk, then I was just laughing. Because really I'm no where near the door, and I don't recall having my lizard musk on. So I asked my colleagues if anyone had a pet lizard and apparently no one claimed him. So my boss got it in a cup and I got it in a plastic bag and took it outside to let him go.

If anyone reading this has any other random critter stories, please share.

The Beginning

2007-07-30T21:26:00.000-07:00

So it begins...

You are now reading the first steps in my quest to saturate the web with my ideas. I won't go into too much detail about what this is about, but 2007 is my turning point and I will lay dormant no more.

Let's start with the name:

The only O.N.E.

The mobius strip is the common symbol of infinity. You can create a mobius strip from a piece of paper, taking a simple strip of paper, twist and connect the two ends. You will see that this is a one-sided figure. It continues into itself; whereas one side merges with the other.

Concepts that one and the infinite are interchangeable permeate our language. The term Universe defines all that is around us, which we believe to be infinite. “Uni” means “one”. The vastness of something that is infinitely large (and infinitely small) can be seen as a collective “one”. Therefore the concept - One Never Ends which leads to the acronym O.N.E.

As you can see, the logo contains the mobius strip embedded in circular shapes. I can't explain this logo fully as it came to me long before I even came up with the name. I drew it one day in 2000, and then ended up designing it in Illustrator a year or so later, which is the logo above.

I later rendered this in a 3D environment, which is seen on my Myspace page.

Oh and incidentally I create music. Check it out.

Now you know.

More to come...